Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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