So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
