there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
