Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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