Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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