There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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