I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
