i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
how drunk are you?
Several
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
