I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
