that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
