brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So drunk its hurt
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
