If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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