He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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