She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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