are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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