i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
