We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
