She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
