i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
