you win again, gameday.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
