I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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