he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
