Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
