I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just want to make out with him forever
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
