ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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