I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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