Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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