He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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