____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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