Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
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