The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
