Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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