He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
