Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
