i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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