Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
