the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
