Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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