I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
