Just took my morning after pill in the library
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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