I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
