Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
