I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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