so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
