I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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