thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
