fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
