You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
