Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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