there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
