You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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