I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
